Routines
Long time, no blog! Great to see you again! ~( c•ﻌ•ↄ
It's been a little over a week since I checked up on all of this, and I'm feeling a little guilty about it. I had good reason though! Which I will tell you all about later, but today I want to talk about that lapse in checking in here and how it's really got me thinking about routines. And how a lack of or a break in structure really affects how much you can stick to one. Especially for me personally.
I can't recall if I mentioned it or not here, honestly I might've just been writing to myself in my journal, but I saw a short on YouTube about creating "floor goals" around the start of the year (which I only say because it's felt like January has lasted at least three years now). But the basic premise is instead of reaching for the stars and creating a whole new you out of the blue and trying to stick to that, you look for goals that you can achieve even when you can't get off the floor. It felt really profound for me because I struggle so heavily with anxiety and depression. So I chose a few "floor goals" that I really wanted and felt that I could do:
And while I've been able to keep up with these more than I thought I would've been able to, any break in the structure is enough to throw off the flow. Which last weekend definitely did! Now don't get me wrong, it was a blast and I want to make it it's whole own post just to celebrate it, but I couldn't quite get back on the horse for several days after.
Even last night was kind of a flop. I didn't read or do a gratitude. I never even stretched! I had all day! And the only reason I can think of is that it's probably because of the break in structure. I ran outside errands in the morning and I stayed at my boyfriends for the night. And somehow just because I wasn't in my room at the right time, I found myself ignoring and forgetting all the little tiny supposedly easy goals and routines I'm trying to set up for myself.
But that in turn has me thinking about larger structures and goals and trying to find fail-safes in the system to allow for breaks in the larger norm to not break the smaller routines! And maybe even help me to achieve the not floor goals like finishing books, working out, getting into art as a career, going to the doctor!
For instance, so much my day to day isn't that structured until about 3 pm. Working only part time is great because it's leaves so much of your day free, but if you thrive in structure like I do, all that free time turns from a benefit into a stressor. Especially if the anxiety demons take hold and suddenly I'm glued to my desk chair watching a show I don't like and checking the clock every three minutes as if 3:20 pm is going to arrive at 12:52!
The one major difference between this week and the last was working on that gift for my boyfriends birthday. It was the most structured my life and my daily routine has been in quite a while. And it felt AMAZING.
So I think, number one, that's what I have to look for and create. I need structured or deadlined things to fill up that time between getting up and ready for the day and leaving for work. And I have a few ideas!
And two, embrace the fluid nature of life. I get stuck in ideas of when stuff has to happen, but the truth of life is you can't plan things down to the minute. You do things when they're available to you. I have time in the morning so I should do things in the morning. And there's plenty of away moments from home that are great opportunities to do little things.
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I think that's it for me! I know this was a lot of me, me, me talk and a little bit of a makeshift therapy session for a point, but I think that's what this blog is. It's me yapping into the void and being happy if someone yaps back! So I don't know, does anyone else out there struggle with keeping routines and goals? What do you do to keep up with it all? Let me know!
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